Mind your Ps . . .

. . . and Queue! Netflix, that is. If you don't subscribe to Netflix, there's probably no point in your continuing to read this post, you just won't understand. The rest of you know that Netflix asks subscribers to rate the movies they've rented. Netflix also deems itself qualified to recommend additional movies for your enjoyment. Although I'm the queue manager in this house, I try to throw in something from the "action/adventure" category every now and then to please the spousal unit. Most recently our daily mail brought us "Kill Switch," a 2008 movie written by, and starring, Steven Segal. Here's part of a review of this film that I discovered today on the Internet Movie Database, better known as imbd.com.

"Where do I start on how bad this movie is? Segal has always been proud to show off his fighting skills in each movie he has appeared in however this movie features a stunt double in every fighting scene – even the hand to hand scenes! You'll see a fight scene about to start, the real Segal, the camera then cuts to the back of the Segal double, his hair looks nothing like the real Segal!!! Segal will pull a mean face the camera cuts to the stunt double who then throws a punch, back to the real Segal, pull another funny face….stunt double throws a kick – this is how every fight scene is cut! Oh and in case you missed anything each hit is shown again TWICE from a different angle. We see a guy get kicked out of window & the shot of him coming out the window is shown to us SIX times!"

I hope it's okay that I snagged that content; the movie wasn't worthy of my having to write all that myself. However, it was kind of amusing to watch a red-faced, bloated Steven Segal strut his stuff as a cocky Memphis cop with an accent that's trying so hard to be southern and a voice like Marlon Brando in "The Godfather." One question: why does a "top cop" like Jacob King empty his weapon without ever hitting anyone? Maybe he's on the sauce. Sure looks like he's been on the BBQ sauce!

Last week I decided to take a more critical look at my queue to see if could eliminate any more of these stinkers. After all, I've amassed a collection of over 200 movies that at some point I actually thought we'd watch. If you try to work with your Netflix queue at all, let me know if I'm the only one who thinks a snail moves faster. Anyway, I spent a big block of time rechecking the selections, deleting, and finally reordering. When the page refreshed I was surprised to see that the changes had not "taken." Went through and did it again and the page refresh satisfied me that all was well.

Lo and behold (yes, some people still say that), yesterday's mail brought "I'm Not There." And guess what? I thought it had been deleted. I'm Not Watching It. The movie appears to have a stellar cast including Cate Blanchett, Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Kris Kristofferson and Richie Havens, which is undoubtedly why I picked it in the first place. Or perhaps someone was smoking funny stuff near me. Whatever. I've snagged some part of "I'm Not There" from You Tube. It could be a trailer, a scene or the whole thing for all I know because . . . I can't watch it! I can't even get three minutes into this thing. Let me know if you can watch the entire video and I'll have a prize for you!